Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody
by xfmoon
Summary: Oneshot. Just some light gossiping around the CBI water cooler.


**Spoilers: **Up until Strawberries and Cream.

**A/N:** Apparently for this to work the story takes place after Strawberries and Cream, but Jane is free and people know Timothy Carter ain't Red John, or Jane never shot the guy and therefore never went to prison, you decide what works best for you.

I have no idea if there actually is a water cooler in the CBI, but I placed mine, near the corner of the kitchenette with a clear view of Lisbon's office and the bullpen.

The title is a quote by Mark Twain.

**Disclaimer: **Didn't own The Mentalist the last time I checked.

* * *

The water cooler at the CBI is a place - like in most other offices - where people take a minute to stop and talk to their colleagues about this and that.

Two well-dressed men in their late thirties, both paper pusher agents in the fraud division of the CBI, were standing around said water cooler making small talk.

"One thing that's really bothering me, how did that little guy manage to knock down Lisbon, and put that explosives on her, without he himself getting so much as a scratch. I mean she normally takes down suspects twice her size."  
"He must have made a surprise attack, maybe he sneaked up from behind and knocked her out."  
"Or maybe she's a Red John follower, working with all the other traitors, you know a ruse to trap Jane."  
"Don't be ridiculous. She's a respected agent."  
"Yeah well, so was O'Laughlin and even Rebecca was a well-liked person around the offices."  
"You're right regarding those two, but don't you think we should give her the benefit of the doubt. I mean come on, you can't possibly think there are any more moles here, wouldn't that be a little redundant?"  
"I don't know, this Red John character seems to have a wide reach, and apparently from what I've heard, he has a network of followers in high places."  
"If that's true it's no wonder anyone hasn't caught him yet. Not even the boy wonder over there." He said, discretely pointing in the direction of the worn out leather couch in the far end of the bullpen.  
"Well as far as I know, serial killers are supposed to have very high IQs, that's one of the reasons they stay uncaught for so long. They get bored, so they try to see how long they can elude the police, leaving false clues and what not."  
"He must be very clever then, if he can manage to not get caught by the great Patrick Jane."  
"Yeah you've got a point. With all those cases he has closed for the CBI, it's a wonder that that one is still open."

"It must be true what they say," he received a raised eyebrow in response. "You know, about being too close to something to see the whole picture."  
"Well then it's a good thing we aren't homicide detectives. Puzzles involving blood and body parts. No thank you!"  
"Yeah that, plus I wouldn't wanna get stuck with any of those clowns from the SCU."  
"Haha no, me neither."

"Hey, what's so funny?" The man's voice startled them to silence.  
"Oh hey Rigsby, oh well you know nothing really."  
Rigsby eyed them suspiciously. "If you say so," he said, and went about his business, moving past them into the kitchenette to get something out of the fridge, before returning to his desk.

"Uhh that was close." The first one admitted.  
"Yeah like Van Pelt and Rigsby." The other added with a smirk.  
"Oh shh, you're bad."  
"Oh what, there's no need to shh me, the whole building knows they had a thing going on."  
"It really is one messed up team, that one."  
"Yeah tell me about it."  
"All except Cho, right? He's like the only normal one."  
"Are you kidding me, you mean you don't know."  
"Don't know what?"  
"He used to be in a gang."  
"You're kidding me."  
"naa ahh" the childish noise only helped to enhance the others curiosity.  
"What gang?"  
"The Avon Park Playboys."

"He ran with the playboys. That's like the gang with the most stupid name ever. I would've thought he'd be in one of the cool ones."  
"Yeah well you know, freaks all around, on that team."

"Hey you two."  
Almost caught a second time they echoed out a surprised "Hi Jane."  
Jane took in their reactions and said, "You know gossiping is not very nice."  
"What, whatever do you mean?" Came the masked nervous answer.  
"Oh come on, I'm not stupid, you're not stupid, we all know you're talking about my team."  
"No we're not." One said.

"Since when did they become your team? I thought Agent Lisbon was in charge," said the other.  
"She is," came Jane's cold reply.  
Ignoring Jane, the second guy continued, "but the way you're behaving I could almost believe she has no control over you, hence you're probably right about them being yours."

"Look I don't really care about you two idiots talking about me behind my back, but if you start spreading untrue rumors about anybody from MY team, I won't be so kind." He didn't usually get mad, but over the years he'd become more protective of the people he loved, and some people were just jerks that deserved what they got.

"Was that a treat?" One of them said, taking a deep breath and standing up straighter to look more threatening.

"Yes." Jane said nonchalantly, thinking the guy didn't pull off the threatening demeanor routine, no he looked more like a blowfish, and Jane would have loved to go and prick him and watch the air seep out.

"Uhh I'm so scared." The blowfish said.

"You should be." Jane said, and with the mental image of a fish with its oversized skin slowing collapsing while squirming on an unknown shore, he walked away with a smile on his face.

"Talk about ego." The non-confrontational guy said.

"Yeah tell me about it," said the other, while slowly letting go of the breath he had been holding.

Right after that Cho strode in.

"Hey" they said in unison.

"Hi" Cho said, his face the epitome of a professional interrogator.

Looks were exchanged, nothing more were said, and Cho walked off.

They both felt a little more chilled, than they did a minute ago, and silently they agreed with themselves and each other not to talk ill about this particular agent again.

A minute or two passed where they were actually discussing something else entirely. Then Van Pelt walked in to get a cup of coffee.

"Hey guys, taking a break?" her voice friendly, but marred with the scars of recently having shot her fiancé.

"Yes," was their only reply.

"So how's it going down in the frauds division?"

"Good, fine, as usual." The reply was flat and dismissive.

"Ok then." She said walking off with her now filled coffee mug.

"She's nice." One said as soon as she was out of sight and earshot.

"Yeah, if you count shooting your fiancé as nice." The other answered mockingly.

"It was self-defense." Came the prompt reply, though there was no one else around to appreciate the defensive tone.

"Says who? Only that team, and the traitor Hightower was there. Who's to say they're not all in on it together? That they're all working for Red John, and kills everyone that finds out about them."

"Now you're just being paranoid."

"Am I, really?" There was a pause.

"Yes you are. Look, I know it was a little weird that someone was able to pull one over on agent Lisbon, but nothing's impossible, and the crooks get smarter every day."

"You say that now, but just you wait. When they come in guns blazing and kills off half the CBI you'll change your tune."

"Yeah, like that's gonna happen."

"We'll see, we'll see."

Lisbon - who had a clear view of the water cooler from her office - was on her way into the bullpen with a case to the team, when she passed the two men whom she had noticed had been standing there for a long time. Not having the best of days, Lisbon practically barked at them "Don't you two have some work to do, or do you plan on standing around here all day, and gossip like 10 year old girls."

Startled by her statement the two agents hurriedly dispersed, while excusing themselves and their long break with the fact that the water cooler in their department was broken and it was such a hot day. This seemed to have no effect on the agent, and so they mopingly trotted down to their respective offices, as they cursed the senior agent and her team under their breath.

When Lisbon entered the bullpen, she was met by one of Jane's big smile.

"What?" she asked.

"Why so grumpy?"

"We have a new case, per request of the AG."

"Ahh rich and connected bigwigs, eh? Should be fun!"

"Everything is funny to you, Jane."

"Only the funny things."

She gave them the case details, delegated the tasks and as she and Jane were headed down to the cars he asked:

"How did you get those two water connoisseurs to leave?"

She arched her left eyebrow at his choice of words. "I told them to go do their work instead of standing around gossiping like schoolgirls."

This made Jane chuckle.

"What?" her most loved standard response when it came to Jane.

"Oh nothing," he said looking at her with a sideways glance, "I guess being grumpy has its advantages at times."

* * *

**A/N:** I have no idea where this came from. I was just kinda wondering the same thing as these guys, how did that little man overpower Lisbon and put that bomb vest on her? and so this water cooler conversation just evolved from there. Didn't plan a thing, the story just kept going until it was all written down. At times like this I love my muse.

I didn't really give the two men names, and except for starting new lines when a new person talked, I didn't mark who says what, but I hope you still can tell when it changes between them. It started out with just the dialogue, and then I built the description etc. on top of that. Initially I just wanted Rigsby to come and interrupt and then they'd leave, but then came Jane and Cho, and I thought ok fine, the boys will handle the gossipers, but then the girls wanted in on the party, and hence the whole team came into play.

The season 4 finale was awesomely great and I know it had many people inspired to write some amazing fics, but it seemed the opposite for me, my writing muse decided to take an extended holiday right after it, but luckily my viding muse came up with a lot of ideas, which I'm currently working on.

I know this is not a season 4 finale tag, but I'm just so happy that my muse decided to pop in and give me this story at least.

Ok now I'm just babbling, I'm just so glad to finally finish something.

Please tell me what you think, I very much appreciate it!


End file.
